I haven’t had much motivation to write anything, mostly because I haven’t practiced, but also because I’m sitting here, blocked nose, sneezy and with a killer sore throat. Boy I can’t wait for this cold to blow over.

I’m having see-saw emotions about the injury thing. One moment I’m ok about it, I’m accepting it, I think everything will be ok. The next moment I’m almost panicking about what if I never get into any sort of padmasana ever again? What if whatever I’ve done to myself is going to lead me to early arthritis? What if the solution is “stop practicing yoga”? That would really suck big time and those types of worries really get me down.

Would I really go have surgery to correct whatever it is I have? It’s not as if it’s affecting my “normal” life, just my yoga practice. Would I really have surgery just so I can do more yoga? I’ve never really considered it like that before. If I go ahead and have the surgery, my family is going to think I’m nuts. They already think I’m nuts enough! Man, I don’t even know if I need surgery! I’m driving myself nuts.

And the nuttiest part of it is that I can feel myself procrastinating about it already. I haven’t made the appointment for the x-rays and ultrasound yet. I know I’m putting it off because I’m scared of bad news. That’s so typical of me.

The only good news I have for today is that I was play stretching and tried padmasana and I could get into it. It wasn’t pain free, but it wasn’t painful either. I could feel something not quite right in the left hip, but I could go into full baddha padmasana and it felt so awesome once my head was to the ground. I love that pose so much and it so totally sucks not being able to do it. I got into ardha baddha padma paschimottanasana as well. Gosh that felt awesome too, but again, it wasn’t completely pain free on the problem left side.

I just have to be careful with these moves as it can aggravate whatever problem is there and cause inflammation, which limits my movements and causes me pain.