Still no better. Still all blocked up and grumpy.

Really want to practice soon.

I feel lazy.

I tried some ujjayi pranayama yesterday and it wasn’t going to happen. I just can’t get enough air through the nose!

Prices at the shala is going up, first time in 10 years.

Still need to make an appointment for the ultrasound and x-ray.

I need a hair cut.

The good thing about not practicing lately is that the hip and back feel better.

The bad thing about not practicing is that I feel off and lazy.

I need more aspirin and decongestants.

I haven’t had much motivation to write anything, mostly because I haven’t practiced, but also because I’m sitting here, blocked nose, sneezy and with a killer sore throat. Boy I can’t wait for this cold to blow over.

I’m having see-saw emotions about the injury thing. One moment I’m ok about it, I’m accepting it, I think everything will be ok. The next moment I’m almost panicking about what if I never get into any sort of padmasana ever again? What if whatever I’ve done to myself is going to lead me to early arthritis? What if the solution is “stop practicing yoga”? That would really suck big time and those types of worries really get me down.

Would I really go have surgery to correct whatever it is I have? It’s not as if it’s affecting my “normal” life, just my yoga practice. Would I really have surgery just so I can do more yoga? I’ve never really considered it like that before. If I go ahead and have the surgery, my family is going to think I’m nuts. They already think I’m nuts enough! Man, I don’t even know if I need surgery! I’m driving myself nuts.

And the nuttiest part of it is that I can feel myself procrastinating about it already. I haven’t made the appointment for the x-rays and ultrasound yet. I know I’m putting it off because I’m scared of bad news. That’s so typical of me.

The only good news I have for today is that I was play stretching and tried padmasana and I could get into it. It wasn’t pain free, but it wasn’t painful either. I could feel something not quite right in the left hip, but I could go into full baddha padmasana and it felt so awesome once my head was to the ground. I love that pose so much and it so totally sucks not being able to do it. I got into ardha baddha padma paschimottanasana as well. Gosh that felt awesome too, but again, it wasn’t completely pain free on the problem left side.

I just have to be careful with these moves as it can aggravate whatever problem is there and cause inflammation, which limits my movements and causes me pain.

Well, I’ve been battling this cold virus for a couple of weeks now and it seems my body has decided to surrender. I’m definitely sick. First time in over a year.

I had been attributing my lack of colds and flus to yoga. To me, the heat from practice burns up any nasty bugs before they can take hold. Having a fitter and healthier body boosted my immune system as well. But it looks as if yesterday’s practice didn’t do what it was suppose to do. It was suppose to burn off the bug, but instead, it might have fed it. I guess I crossed that fine line between practice starving off the bugs and practice feeding the bugs.

Mind you, yesterday’s practice was pretty awesome. The hip was behaving, the back was behaving and everything felt good. Chakrasana was happening, ok, well kind of happening. I felt strong and amazingly flexible considering I haven’t been practicing the past few days. I had a bit of a claustrophobic shavasana again, but I did feel good after practice all in all.

And then I woke up this morning with a killer sore throat. The best bit is that I had to go to work feeling like crap to do some things that had to be done today (I’m being sarcastic).

I forgot how crappy being sick can be.

Had the sports doctor appointment. It’s a real different experience than the physio appointments. My physio is so relaxed, easy going and friendly, we chat about our weekends and our jobs and have a pretty good rapport going on. The sports doctor was very clinical and very professional, not much small talk. I didn’t feel totally comfortable, but I did feel “safe” in his hand. He exudes confidence in his work, which gives me confidence.

There was a student doctor present, so I got a bit of a treat because the doctor would explain what he was doing and why to the student, which meant I got a bit of a lesson too.

What I learnt…

• When the patient is on her back, draw a line from the top of the iliac crest towards the spine and you have L4. The bumpy bit is the L4 spinous process.
• When the patient flexes the hip (with bent knees) towards the chest, then add some adduction, that’s testing for inflammation of the hip.
• I have more than average internal rotation of the hip… like way more than average (yes, I’m a freak).

I think there was more, but I can’t really remember. It’s hard to concentrate when you’re feeling lightheaded and dizzy.

I’m going to need more tests, to be specific, an x-ray of the back and left hip and an ultrasound of the left hip. The ultrasound is for looking at soft tissue, like tendons and ligaments. I guess the x-ray is looking for bone deformaties and damage. I’ve read the clinic referral sheet (yes, I can read doctor’s handwriting) and it looks like the doctor thinks it could be acetabular dysplasia or a labral tear. There’s also something about sciatica.

My reflex point on my left ankle is non-existent. The doctor says there may have been some disk damage, but he said it’s a little strange because I’ve had no prior back pain. I’ve been straining my brain and I can’t remember ever having back pain of any sort before.

So anyway, checked with the doctor to see if it’s better to practice or rest, he said there’s no problems continuing to practice as long as I’m not doing anything that hurts or is uncomfortable.

Also got a prescription for some anti inflammatories. Don’t know if I want to take them. The doctor said a five day course may be beneficial.

So, I’m off to practice now. Maybe it’ll take away my grumpiness at the world.

Still feeling pretty crap. Still not sure if I’m going to practice today, I have 2 hours to decide.

I’m now not sure if I’m going to get fully sick, or I’m just suffering from some extreme stress. I’m mostly grumpy and irritable.

I can’t breathe out of my nose comfortably, that’s one reason I don’t want to go to class to practice. I could practice at home I suppose, even though I still don’t have my mat with me. I know it’ll be good for me, it’ll help with the stress at the very least. Maybe it’ll help my back too, it’s been feeling stiff and sore lately.

I’m trying to talk myself into practicing… unsuccessfully I might add. Times like these, the non-attachment thing is easy.

In the mean time, I spent the 1.5 hours I should have been practicing creating this:

I surprised myself with this little piece of artwork. I poured every single drop of creativity in my body into this and I’m not a creative person. Just goes to show what a little determination can achieve.

I had to skipped Monday’s practice, I was not feeling so good. I’m feeling worse today, so another practice will be skipped.

Urgh! Hope I get better soon, I hate feeling grumpy and annoyed.

Where’s the aspirin and coffee?!

I surprised even myself when I was faced with being home and alone. I usually take this time to bum out and not do anything, maybe spend some time on the computer (as if I don’t spend enough time during the weekdays on a computer!), eating something, cooking something, but usually lazing around wasting time.

Yesterday’s short stint home alone was different. I took the opportunity to add in a practice, not one of my lazy assed short practice but my full practice with vinyasas between sides and with little distractions. The practice felt good, even without my much loved Mysore cotton mat.

I had left the rug at work so I had to use some old sticky mat, which I quickly discovered, wasn’t very sticky when you start sweating! I ended up using a large towel over it, it still wasn’t quite the same as my Mysore mat, but better than slipping on the not-so-sticky mat.

Chakrasana was good yesterday, even with my sore-ish neck. Practicing definitely loosened up the tightness in my neck. I was going to skip chakrasana but after a while of practicing, I didn’t feel the neck soreness so I thought I’d still give it a go… gently, of course!

My practice feels so short now-a-days. I’m still missing the asanas I’ve dropped out of my practice, I miss the deep twists the most. *sigh* Thursday will be here before I know it and then we may get some answers from the sports doctor.

M and I made our yoga date last night. I think we started at 8:00pm. Yikes, that’s supremely late. I don’t usually practice if it’s past 7:30pm because it keeps me up at night, especially if I do inversions, but since we were doing M’s routine, which is quite easy for me, I didn’t mind starting our yoga date so late.

I don’t think I even broke a sweat. It was freezing last night and I had to do extra sun salutations to warm myself up. M was already warmed up by the time we started the sun salutation B’s, so I let him turn off the heater, which meant I had to work extra hard to get my body warm enough.

I didn’t really get a chance to do chakrasana during the yoga date, but I did play around with it after our practice. I managed to stop getting that woozy feeling by rolling over in slow motion. If anyone’s got Gregor Maehle’s Ashtanga Yoga: Practice and Philosophy book, I’m doing the intermediate version of chakrasana, where the legs are over your head like in halasana, and your hands under your shoulders like in urdhva dhanurasana, then you push with your hands with a strong inhale and go over. I don’t quite end up in chaturanga dandasana this way, I end up in something like adho mukha svanasana, then I walk my hands forwards, then I can lower down into the chaturanga dandasana. I wonder if this is ok to do?

My right hip flexors were really giving me grief last night. There must be some muscle growth going on because it felt very much like muscular soreness. The back isn’t behaving today either, it’s rather sore, but nothing a little Saturday rest and heat pack won’t take care of.

My heart rate monitor has been shipped! Yay!

No ashtanga practice dribble as yet, haven’t practiced and it’s already past 7:00 pm. M and I were suppose to have a yoga date tonight, a gentle one. He’s got some soreness where the hamstring meets the butt, much like what Wayne’s been having, so I thought I’d take it easy on him. First we have to make it home so we can actually have our yoga date. We may not even make it tonight, so there’s a possibility I’ll be practicing by myself.

On other semi-related ashtanga practice dribble, I just won an auction for a heart rate monitor. It’s a Polar F6 that would’ve cost AUD $249.00 retail, but I managed to get one at AUD $140.50 including postage. Bless eBay. It’s the male version of the F6, but that’s good too, I can say it’s M’s HRM, well, I kind of planned to sort of let it be his and I just borrow it from time to time.

It’s “denim stone” in colour and has all these nifty features:

• Wireless ECG accurate heart rate
• Polar OwnCal
• Polar OwnCode
• Polar OwnZone
• Target zones with visual alarm
• Target zones with audible alarm
• Fitness Bullets ( a 10 minutes in target zone )
• Average heart rate of total exercise
• Exercise Date
• Zone Pointer
• Transfer exercise date from wrist unit to Polar Personal Trainer web service via Polar WebLink SonicLink/Infrared
• Transfer logos from Polar web site to wrist unit (UpLink)
• Edit wrist unit settings with Polar UpLink Tool and transfer them to your Polar product (UpLink)
• SonicLink
• UpLink
• Number of exercise files with summaries = 12
• Exercise file info page with date and time
• Exercise time (total)
• Time in target zone
• Target zone limits
• Average heart rate
• Maximum heart rate
• Fitness Exercise Diary
• Calorie expenditure
• Heart rate displayed as bpm
• Heart rate displayed as % of max heart rate
• Visual and audible alarm in target zones
• Water resistant to 50m
• Backlight
• HeartTouch button-free operation of wrist unit
• Heart rate sets: pre-program favorite exercise settings
• Manual target zone %bpm
• Automatic age-based target zone %bpm
• Sound volume level setting
• You’re not honestly reading this are you?
• Keylock
• Graphical target zone indicator
• Time of day (12/24 h) with alarm
• Date and weekday indicator
• Stopwatch
• Low battery indicator
• Display text in English
• Polar T31 coded transmitter

It should be here in a week, two weeks tops. Then it’ll probably take me another week to figure out how to use it, then we can get some results.

The only downside is that I won’t be doing my full practice, so I’ll probably have to re-test myself once I do get back all those asanas I’ve lost, which may take a while.

I was happily going along practice, enjoying the asanas that I do have, not worrying about the ones I’ve lost. I got a modified asana as a replacement for ardha baddha padma paschimottanasana (one of the asanas I’ve lost because of the hip) and I was already grateful and happy about that. I didn’t need any adjustments, I didn’t need anything else new. I was just happy to be, happy to practice in my little corner.

Then during supta padangushtasana, I got asked if I had any neck problems, and I replied no. I didn’t think much of the question, I wasn’t thinking much at all at that point, I was in the “zone”, so focused today. Just as I was finishing up supta padangushtasana, I saw a pair of feet next to me, I looked up, and there was C, ready to bestow chakrasana upon me. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for something new, but in hindsight, I’m glad of getting a new focus in my practice.

First impressions of chakrasana: “What the?!”

My second impression of chakrasana: “Whoa! woozy head…”

My third impression of chakrasana: “Whoa! Really woozy head! I think I’m going to fall on my face!”

C helped me with the first try, she grabbed my hips and helped pull me over. I got so dizzy and woozy and my constant laughing didn’t help. I’m not sure why I kept laughing, I thought it was funny or more accurately, the feeling of flipping over was funny. I felt like a kid again.

The second try was all me, no assist. I was giggling while preparing my hands and didn’t think I was going to make it with the giggling, but I got over, lopsided albeit. I half landed on my left elbow, which made me laugh again.

I was told to try it again after matsyasana (I’m doing a shortened shoulderstand sequence for now; sarvangasana, halasana, karnipidasana and matsyasana). I got over non-lopsided, but then almost fell flat on my face. I was stifling my laughter and my arms just gave out under me, which made amused me even more.

It’s a weird, weird feeling, chakrasana, but I’m looking forward to trying it again. I’m looking forward to exploring it, finding out what I’ll need to do to make it work.

Tips anyone?